Body Language — An Important And
Forgotten Ingredient During A
Communication Exchange
During your career, while attending and/or giving a
staff meeting, or holding a discussion one-on-one with
one of your peers/subordinates, or giving a talk in front
of a group of people, did you feel like you were losing
them? It seemed like you couldn't convince them, sell
them, and/or get them to see it your way? During the
entire communication process, you were receiving
negative responses, hostile responses, or even no response at all.
You knew the subject matter very well with all the
facts to backup your idea/topic. Your delivery was
good. The message was there along with the contents.
The given topic(s) was well covered and thought out,
but you still lost, or even turned-off your listener(s).
When a person talks, the mind is concentrating on
what is being said, what type of feedback is going to be
received, along with what is going to be discussed next.
People do this all the time. Anytime a person stops to
talk with another, the person is communicating with
another. You have your two-way street — the "sender"
and "receiver." What people don't pay attention to is
their own silent body language. The "sender" is verbally communicating his/her message, but his/her
body is sending an entirely different picture/message.
This is where people get into trouble because they do
not prepare mentally to take into account what their
body gestures/movements are saying and being accepted/read by the other person, etc.
Every individual from a small child to a senior citizen constantly reads the other person like a book. This
comes naturally and is self-taught. It is being done with
preschoolers, children, adults, etc. We learn over time
how to read people. We listen. But at the same time, the
other person is visually reading our body gestures/movements to sec if our body language is compatible to
what we are saying. A simple turn of the body, lack of
eye contact, foot movement, change in voice tone and
stance can and will be interpreted by the "receiver" as
being passive, fighting, not caring, deceitful, etc.
Your body language has to be right in line with what
you are saying/stating. If being deceitful, hiding something, or even not wanting to be there, your body gestures will display it.
Reading people will never cease to exist as long as
there will be two people communicating. Refer to your
friends, boss, relatives, etc. After a period of time, you
get to know their moods, when or when not to approach
someone, strictly by his/her body gestures/language. It
could be facial expressions, tone in voice, eye contact,
fingers tapping, foot movement, crossed-anns,
clenched fists, angle of body, hand gestures, sitting
position, use of eyeglasses, etc.
What is important is that you can use what you see
and read in others and put it to good use. As you are
reading the other person, that person is also reading
you. Knowing and understanding your body language
is a very valuable tool to possess. To succeed and to win
over people you must be alert to what silent body
gestures you are giving off. People listen with their ears
and read people with their eyes. Interpretation of information is by the following:
• 1% of the information is in the words;
• 38% of the information is in the tone of voice;
• 55% of the information is in the gestures and expression.
As you are listening to a person talking, your eyes are
automatically looking over the individual, watching
his/her every movement, expression, gestures, hand
Page 12 / Illinois Municipal Review / May 1991
and leg movement, even the clothes the individual is
wearing from head-to-toe is well-looked over and scrutinized.
The following list of gestures are some obvious
warning signs that can be immediately corrected, if
noticed. We see/notice these body gestures in other
people, but we seldom examine our own body language when we are talking with one person or in front of a group of people.
• Body Posture
• Truthful — standing, sitting upright, open and
relaxed, frontally aligned with the person and/or
group.
• Deceptive — slouching, no frontal alignment,
lack of interest, very rigid and a lot of movement.
• Delays — rubbing and wringing of hands, pulling
on nose and/or earlobes, sighs and yawns, and
shuffling, tapping and swinging of feet.
• Grooming Movements — constant adjusting
clothes and/or accessories, dusting, lint-picking
and jewelry adjustment.
• Emotional Display —
Disbelief — hands to chest;
Sincerity — open hands/arms;
Denial — shaking of head;
Accusation — pointing of finger;
Disgust — head turned away when first
confronted.
• Facial Expression —
Anger — tighten jaw, teeth together;
Surprise — look of shock when accused;
Fear — looks worried or scared.
• Eye Contact —
Stare — too much, looking through/pass the
person;
Withdrawn — too little, little or no eye contact.
• Hands — fist(s) shown — "don't frustrate the
person any further."
• Arms — folded — defiance, defensive, maybe
natural.
• Feet — swishing — impatience, annoyance —
retreat.
May 1991 / Illinois Municipal Review / Page 13
— Protective Gestures —
Crossing of arms, legs, ankles;
Hiding of mouth or eyes;
Hiding of hands or feet.
These are just a few of the many body gestures that we read in others and what other people read in us. Keep in mind communication is a two-way street. Both the "sender" and "receiver" are listening and watching (reading) during a conversational exchange. During this exchange of information, all involved parties are communicating with words, body gestures and tone of voice.
As you are receiving messages, you are also sending them. What you are sending to the listener(s) is the important point to remember and to control. Every individual listens with his/her eyes. The ears pickup 17% of the given information during an encounter. The eyes pickup 69% of the silent body language.
The smart individual uses effective listening, picking up the clues from the other person/people, and using these important ingredients to change, stop, regroup, etc., to get the audience listeners back into the conversation.
During any conversation, group speaking, you have to be extremely careful and on guard when referring to your own body gestures and movements. You, as a speaker/sender, do not want to shut the audience off;
whereas, the listeners might get turned off, become hostile, become argumentative, etc., towards you.
Understanding body language comes with work and time. As a reader of body language, you have to be able to read the movements and be able to put them in order. One movement does not mean the person is ignoring you, but reading and understanding the series of movements is important. With time a person can overcome their own bad postures/gestures and be able to send out the right/proper signals to their audience.
Finally, every individual speaks a nonverbal language with his/her body which conveys an important message to the receiver on what is really meant by the sender. Communication is a two-way street, sending and receiving, reading and adjusting. To communicate well one must keep in mind and mentally observe one's own silent body language/gestures that is being sent out. The next time you are holding a discussion, make a mental note to check your body gestures and ask yourself "is my body gestures/movements sending the same message that I am verbally giving?" Practice can be done anytime, anywhere, with any individual. Practice makes perfect! •
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